A Final Goodbye

I’ve only known you for around 4 years and we were not even close.
I remember the first time I knew you was when our batch gathered up for the first time.
You seemed funny and easy going.
Later I found out that to say that you are smart is understatement.
Throughout college, we were not in the same peer group,
and I know nothing about your personal life.
All I see was only what you allowed everyone else to see:
the outgoing, fun, intelligent, funny, sarcastic, that you are.
We had ever been in the same projects and the more I knew that you were way ahead of me.
I don’t always get your thoughts nor your reasoning.
But then I knew that you had always been a very cognitively active person.
And that’s what fascinates me. You always knew this and that, catching up to the latest issues, ranging from trivial fact to many important subjects; science, psychology, philosophy, economy, language, and so many things else.
You seemed to know a lot. By a lot I mean, a real lot.
Then we met again in the research club that you made.
Being the awkward potato I was, I didn’t think I could catch with you (and the other members). But surprise, surprise, you asked me to join the club again the following year. This time to help you running the club.
More often than not I found myself scared not being able to live up to your expectations.
Really. I was scared that I could not do anything good more or less because I know that you always hold a high standard for everything you do.
The last time I met you was last Friday at campus. We prepared the material for an event together. At the same time I was like catching up your life these days. You told me you were busy finishing your final thesis and doing some other projects while preparing to go to UK to attend a conference next month.
As usual you also told me many things I don’t know. About this and that.
Never once it occurred to me that it would be the last time I saw you.
When I read the news that you were already gone, I was numb.
Is this for fucking real?
These four years only gave me much less than a bit peek of your life.
Up until now I’ve never really known you.
I never knew what you felt or what you were facing through,
but whatever it is, I hope now it’s not painful anymore, Sa.

Rest in peace.

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